I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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