Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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