I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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