I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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