Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm getting married
To pizza
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
