At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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