Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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