AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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