You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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