you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so let's talk penis.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
