hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
