I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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