Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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