that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
