First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
