I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize