Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Randomize
