Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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