My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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