At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I supernannyed him into submission
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
