That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
