I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
