I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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