My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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