I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
