i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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