There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
