Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
