This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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