i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
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I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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