Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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