So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
