Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
