he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
