I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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