even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
this boner is exhausting
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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