well I can't set my house on fire every night
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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