never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
