this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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