D3 body, D1 cock
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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