I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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