I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize