i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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