i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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