i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
