I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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