i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
