Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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