You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
