Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize