I hate all girls vehemently.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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