No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
