Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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