Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
