I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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