sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
