I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"