Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.