Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
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I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
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We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.