did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head