why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
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Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
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I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.