you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol