dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
