i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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